I first experienced the paralyzing affect of fear in September, 1979 when my twin boys were born two months premature. I remember seeing the look of fear in my husband’s face. I felt nothing; as if I was outside of my body watching from afar. I didn’t understand this weird feeling because I was young and fear became part of my life for the first time.
Thirty-nine years later with the experience of a life time of fear, disappointment and frustrations, I now know exactly what happened to me that day in 1979. I created a defense mechanism that changed my personality from a shy, introverted woman to a woman who had the ability to handle the stress of situations and help my young boys. This new personality took over my body to give me the strength and unrelenting power I needed to overcome obstacles that presented me throughout the years, which were many.
For years I felt like I was living in a fog. I didn’t understand the phenomenon that took over my mind in 1979.
In 2010 when I retired from my job and finally stepped down from the unrelenting treadmill I was on for many years, my personality changed again. It was like the two personalities within my mind were fighting with each other to take over. It left me feeling depressed, agitated and with that I developed an anxiety disorder.
With medicine and therapy I found a way to incorporate the two personalities into one. I took on the power from personality two and regained the gentleness, passion and caring personality I was born with. This is who I am today.
No — I am not an acclaimed psychiatrist, I am a woman who lived through challenging years creating wisdom from grueling fear and frustrations. I like who I am now and feel comforted in my new acquired self who can create a business and share my life with people who may have experienced what I did.
If you have any question about this post or want to share your similar experiences, please contact me here on my blog site.