How completely blessed I am to have found someone who has the ability to help me find my way back after many years of uncertainty. It was during our session yesterday when she helped me acknowledge, since 2006, after my son passed away, the deep anger I have so expertly hidden from the world and myself.
I have been channeling my anger in ways that were not mentally healthy and has created a tremendous strain in my life with my husband and son. The mind is a very complicated organ that can store details of life experiences that one cannot deal with. It cannot store it forever, it overflows and spills, exhibiting physical symptoms such as anxiety disorders.
She helps me realize the source of my anger. She encourages me to open up and acknowledge them and then find a way to deal with the anger issues. This is the only way I will heal. I need to turn my anger in a positive form so I can achieve peace within my heart and soul.
I know the only way to accomplish this for me is to pay it forward. The first step I took was writing my book, Our Special Child, Jason’s Story. In the book I spilled out my soul with every word. My emotions were real and in this book was the first time I expressed my feelings of anger and quickly tucked them away again because they hurt too much.
NOTE: Our Special Child, Jason’s Story is available to purchase on my website at www.scrapperjudedesigns.com.
I need to express them here in order to confront them and set up a plan to deal with them. I am angry about the lack of support I received when Jason was discharged after four months in the NICU unit. I am angry that Jason was abused at a respite center treating him like he wasn’t a real person, just another “physically/”retarded”child who deserved it; and getting away with their actions. I am angry at the misguided laws in 1986 where the only choice we had to secure excellent medical care was to agree to move our child, at the age of eight, away from his family.
I don’t know what changes have been made since 1986 but I promise you I will find out. I am now an advocate and I’m starting with the state of Pennsylvania traveling to our state capital next week. I am working with the Skills of Central Pa, the organization who provided the care for my son for twenty years.
Yes I am channeling my anger in a positive way so the appropriate changes are made.