Category Archives: Premature birth, death of a child


How completely blessed I am to have found someone who has the ability to help me find my way back after many years of uncertainty. It was during our session yesterday when she helped me acknowledge, since 2006, after my son passed away, the deep anger I have so expertly hidden from the world and myself.

I have been channeling my anger in ways that were not mentally healthy and has created a tremendous strain in my life with my husband and son. The mind is a very complicated organ that can store details of life experiences that one cannot deal with. It cannot store it forever, it overflows and spills, exhibiting physical symptoms such as anxiety disorders.

She helps me realize the source of my anger. She encourages me to open up and acknowledge them and then find a way to deal with the anger issues. This is the only way I will heal. I need to turn my anger in a positive form so I can achieve peace within my heart and soul.

I know the only way to accomplish this for me is to pay it forward. The first step I took was writing my book, Our Special Child, Jason’s Story. In the book I spilled out my soul with every word. My emotions were real and in this book was the first time I expressed my feelings of anger and quickly tucked them away again because they hurt too much.

NOTE: Our Special Child, Jason’s Story is available to purchase on my website at

I need to express them here in order to confront them and set up a plan to deal with them. I am angry about the lack of support I received when Jason was discharged after four months in the NICU unit. I am angry that Jason was abused at a respite center treating him like he wasn’t a real person, just another “physically/”retarded”child who deserved it; and getting away with their actions. I am angry at the misguided laws in 1986 where the only choice we had to secure excellent medical care was to agree to move our child, at the age of eight, away from his family.

I don’t know what changes have been made since 1986 but I promise you I will find out. I am now an advocate and I’m starting with the state of Pennsylvania traveling to our state capital next week. I am working with the Skills of Central Pa, the organization who provided the care for my son for twenty years.

Yes I am channeling my anger in a positive way so the appropriate changes are made.

Hugs Jude

Trailer for Our Special Child:  Jason's Story My book is available from the publisher’s website and can be purchased directly from them in soft back and e-book. Pre-orders are now being accepted on Amazon.  Kindle books are not available at this time. To my dear friends, This book was written with love for my son Jason.  Because he… Continue Reading

My Book is Available I am extremely proud to present my book, Our Special Child:Jason’s Story. You can purchase it directly from the publisher’s site listed above in both book form or e-book. On March 17, 2015 the book will launch on Amazon where it will also be available as an e-book and book form. The back of… Continue Reading

Our Special Child: Jason's Story is Available

MY BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR THE WORLD TO READ!!!! I am feeling many mixed emotions. The number one emotion, I am freaking out. For the first time in so many years my inner most thoughts from deep down in my soul will be shared. Yes, I know this is what I have been waiting for… Continue Reading


In 1987 when we were notified there was a bed available for Jason, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was his mother, nurse, social worker, therapist and advocate for eight years. Was I ready to give all this up? Was I capable and strong enough to let go? No I was not. At that… Continue Reading

Our Special Child – 9/8/79 – 12/22/06

Angel by Sarah McLachlan A child should never die before their parent. The parent should have the ultimate reward of witnessing their child’s growth to adulthood, marry the love of their life and give the gift of grandchildren. When I gave birth to my twin boys, this was my dream and I never believed it… Continue Reading

A Smile That Can Light Up A Room

“Smile” Natalie Cole A smile is the first cognitive skill Jason mastered as a baby. He quickly understood if he smiled at somebody he would receive a smile back. Therefore, Jason always smiled. Unfortunately, it is my opinion, he began to depend on his smile all the time, even when he didn’t need it. I… Continue Reading

Memories of my Life with Jason

I use to love this time of year, preparing Thanksgiving dinner, planning and making lists for gifts for Hanukkah and Christmas, and our Hanukkah Party and New Years Eve celebrations. The malls all decorated with their lights and Christmas trees with Santa awaiting the next young child to sit on his lap. Years ago I… Continue Reading

A Mother Knows What Her Child Does Not Say

Danny’s Song by Anne Murray A Mother does know what her child does not say, it is called mother’s instinct. I had a very strong mother’s instinct. I knew when my son Michael was sick, depressed, upset or tired. I looked into his eyes and they told me everything I needed to know. He is… Continue Reading